Kwang and his nephew Justin, who turned two years old this weekend:
My boys:
Don't have much to write. Just waiting to pop this baby out. I continually pray it is healthy. It's amazing how God brings you to the point when you actually WANT to push a human being out your body.
To answer a few comments left in my previous post:
1) My face HAS gained weight. In fact, I gained FOUR POUNDS IN ONE WEEK ALONE. OMG.
2) It's true, the doctor was impressed that I don't have the usual stretch marks that come with pregnancy, especially with this being my third one. I attribute this to a combination of genetics and a generous lathering of a cheap drugstore concoction on the belly every morning, a heaping so colossal that I have to wait about 30 minutes for the white layer to soak into my skin before I can put my clothes on. I do it more for the itchiness than for the stretch marks. But I'm also not fond of the idea of tucking extra skin into my pants for the rest of my life.
3) No, I am not wearing normal pants in that pic. Thanks, Jeny, but are you kidding me?! Those are my favorite maternity pants, because they are the under-the-belly style... a FANTASTIC invention. Almost as great as the Toilet Wand.
I am so excited to meet our baby. I pray it is healthy, healthy, healthy. My ticker says I technically have 9 days to go and, hopefully, he/she won't come early since I have two projects left to complete for work. I definitely don't look forward to the first two weeks of breastfeeding and the jolly cracking and bleeding fest that it usually is for me. But I look forward to being done with pregnancy (hallelujah!). Most of all, I am struck with awe at the Creator our God is each time I see our baby for the first time. I am also in awe of how they always come out looking about 99% Kwang and approximately 1% me.
Jude's preschool picture:
A typical conversation between Kwang and Eli:
Kwang: Do you love uhmmah (mom)?
Eli: (nodding yes) Uh-huh.
Kwang: Do you love ahbbah (dad)?
Eli: Uhmmah (mom).
Kwang: Do you love Jude?
Eli: Uhmmah (mom).
For some reason, it's hard to imagine Eli not becoming my favorite.
Eli playing peek-a-boo with me today:
When I heard Kate Gosselin of TLC's "Jon & Kate plus 8" mention that the age of three is proving more difficult for them than the terrible twos, I let out a huge sigh of relief. I realize they have five more toddlers to contend with, but I find it hard to imagine any one of their sextuplets passionately crying "PLEASE GOD HELP ME!!" from his timeout corner in the laundry room. That would only be our Jude. Where does the melodrama come from? A mystery, I know.
In terms of discipline, last weekend was probably the roughest with Jude that I can think of. It's sad that when we're disciplining him, Eli is always hovering close by most likely expecting to see Mount St. Lisa explode right in the middle of the dining room. You'd think the disobedience was about something normal like refusing to share a toy or hitting another child, but with Jude it's about not wanting to feed himself a simple meal. Jude has very little interest in food and I have only myself to blame, because that's exactly how I was growing up. All the eating of the food gets in the way of all the important playing that he feels must get done each day. He's relatively good but there is not a week that goes by when I don't have to force him to eat his dinner at least once, and what do you know, this causes him to whine or complain that his tummy is grumpy. One time I think he said his hand was too tired to pick up the spoon. So unpredictable, that one.
But when we're alone with Jude one on one, he's still the most adorable little three year old to me. He says the cutest things and warms my heart. These days on our way to school, we'll stop by the donut shop, sit, and enjoy each other's company along with a tasty breakfast treat. I love listening to his stream of consciousness. I treasure these times and secretly wish he didn't have to go to school and I didn't have to go into the office.
What does Eli have to say these days? The other day he turns to me, pinches his own cheeks, and says, "Cheeks.... TOO BIG." I was so startled by this, didn't know where he had learned such a thing, and immediately corrected him, "No Eli. Eli's cheeks are JUST RIGHT."
So I think I'm somewhere around full term. I can technically deliver any time now, but I have two and a half weeks until my official due date. It might sound silly since my two boys were full term, but I don't take this milestone lightly. I am once again grateful to the Lord for bringing us this far along. Hopefully, I won't pop while at work... but wouldn't that make for an interesting day at the office? Even though it's just my belly, I think this is the only way I can prove to people that I am actually pregnant... and big:
As a bonus, I can use this photo as evidence that I in fact did bear these kids that look nothing like me. I might casually take it out on a day they are being especially rebellious teenagers to show them just how much I went through for them and why they must always obey me. Call it unreasonable parenting. I prefer to call it strategy.
Kidding. I'm kidding.
Sometimes while we're driving somewhere, Jude will blurt out a line from a movie that he happened to think of at the moment. It's cute, the things he picks up. And Eli is Jude's constant understudy, always watching his brother's words and actions and trying them out himself. I think I'm the only one who finds this hilario:
Annnnnd...... scene.
Listening to Kwang speak so fondly of personal moments he had in the past with his uncle broke my heart, and it made me realize all the more how fortunate his uncle's sons were to have him. Although Jude is only 3 and Eli is only 1, I feel they are also very fortunate to have Kwang as a dad... even when he tells them to pull his finger and then passes gas very loudly when they pull it. Why all three laugh each time as if it's the first time is beyond me. 
So maybe only my co-workers find the subject header funny. But I don't want to talk about work, because I'm getting killed there. When I can't update my xanga with the latest uneventful news like how irresistable Eli is singing Alicia Keys' "No One" while playing alone with his toys, it usually means that work is not being nice to me. It's hard to believe secular music can have such deleterious effects when it's being sung by the cutest little one year old.
Eli giving me a kiss:
It's getting increasingly difficult to focus on work. Unfortunately, I have two big projects due next week. It's just not so easy when you're playing host body to another human that hiccups and jerks inside you all day. Violently. What in the world is going on in there that is causing Baby to flail around like it's upset? Did someone take away its favorite toy car? Did someone accidently turn on "Entourage" instead of "The Incredibles"? Because it sure is acting like someone did.
Eli & me at 7 months:
So for the past few weeks I've been taping TLC's "A Baby Story". While other expectant mothers take lamaze classes or hospital tours, I prefer to watch TV to prepare for our big day. We never took any classes when we were expecting Jude or Eli, so it seems a bit late to begin acting responsibly now. Basically, both Kwang and I are Olympic Lazybutts. But it actually helped to watch the TLC show before delivering Eli, because seeing so many screaming lunatic women was enough inspiration to not be one myself. Of course, never say never! There is always Baby #3!
My boys @ Manhattan Beach 2 weekends ago:
This past Saturday, we met up with our friends Henry and Lisa. During our meal, Henry asked how it is possible that while Jude and Eli look different from each other, they both still look like Kwang? I had to laugh, because I hear comments like that almost on a daily basis.
So I went in and took an additional 3-hour blood test this morning to determine if I had gestational diabetes. I had already taken the one hour test but my result came back high so they asked me back. As it turns out, I passed with flying colors and do not have it. Many of you are probably saying "big deal". If that is the case, then many of you don't know that a diagnosis of gestational diabetes is pretty much the KISS OF DEATH FOR LISA. You think I'm being dramatic but you would be very wrong.
Afterward the doctor gave me some potentially bad news because I hadn't received any since, oh, last week. I found out that last week's ultrasound was actually inconclusive about my placenta so I might still need a c-section. Not only that but this baby's kidneys may be enlarged (hydronephrosis). The results are being sent to a specialist to confirm if our baby's plumbing is broken. It's interesting, I have a tendency to "hold it in" when I need to use the restroom because I'm too lazy or busy to go. Kwang scolds me all the time for this terrible habit. So it occurred to me that even though this baby will probably look nothing like me but like an organically grown miniature Kwang, maybe its personality will be more like mine... so lazy in the womb that s/he just holds it in.
So I had a follow-up ultrasound this morning for a "low lying placenta" found at my five month ultrasound. Yes, in the game of who has the most issues with pregnancy, I win! This is just one of four concerns I am praying over. According to the tech, it looks like this one may have resolved which goes to show everyone out there who says I'm "soooo tiny!" that my uterus has indeed grown and moved my placenta upward. Another indication of my ever-expanding body is that my maternity pants are tighter so even my little non-butt has grown. But unlike Sir Mixalot, I do not like big butts and I cannot lie.
Fortunately, if we didn't have this undesirably placed placenta I wouldn't have had another opportunity to ask if our baby is a boy or a girl. I thought having to tell everyone that I was waiting until he was born to find out if Eli was a boy or a girl was a let down. Turns out, having to tell everyone that I tried to find out for them what Baby #3 was but was unsuccessful is even more of a disappointment for people. Well, the tech said she couldn't see "any boy parts" and instead showed me a hamburger so the door is still open for a baby girl. I still have doubts that Kwang has it in him to produce a girl, so we'll see. Jude still thinks it's a girl, but all the kids in my Sunday School class think it's a boy. We all think what we think but as my grandmother reminded me last week, "God knows and provides what's best for us." Having two boys in a row is more than a handful I can seem to handle with any form of gracefulness, but I have to agree with her when I look at my Eli. I wouldn't want him to be anything other than the yummy little boy that he is:
Even when he looks like this:
What? You thought I'd just end with the angelic picture like a normal parent? I can't help it. My finger, it just keeps clicking.
Kwang (noticing something in Eli's mouth that we didn't give him): "Eli, what are you eating?"
Eli (smiling): "Nobodyyyy...."
Here are my snow bunnies at my sister's home in Chicago. Jude didn't want to come inside despite my fears of frostbite. It was so cold that my camera stopped functioning. Jude LOVED the snow:
Eli, not so much. But he's so irresistable to me-- I laugh every time I look at this picture and then I go find him and nibble off one of his cheeks:
He preferred to relax inside with cousin Noelle (one year older than him):
Fun with cousins:
Meghan & Jude Noelle & Eli Jude & Zachary
Thanks to his creative and fun eemos (my sisters), Jude had many opportunities to tap into his inner artist. One of these things is not like the others-- can you tell which dinosaurs were painted by Meghan and Zachary and which was done by Jude?
Eli loves to do what his brother does, but the other week he took it to a level I never anticipated. While taking the boys a bath, Jude had to go #2. So he came out, sat on the toilet, and did his business. After drying him off I looked to find that Eli also decided to take a dump-- in the bathtub. My freshly bathed Eli in a sea of his own poop. And of course, it couldn't be just hard little pellets. It had to be of the soft, mushy, non-constipated variety, the kind you hope to see... in a diaper... not in a pool of bath water... with your kid standing in the middle of it. Large brown masses mixed with grains of brown and black rice floating EVERYWHERE. My love MUST be unconditional because I just had to laugh (and gag) at the sight of a very innocent and confused Eli.
Eli and his best friend Buddy (whom he named himself):
Well, it certainly wasn't the most stellar week for me as a daughter-in-law. I've always said that I feel very fortunate to have the mother-in-law that I do. I've seen korean dramas, I've heard other women's stories, I know I am lucky. I've seen my mother-in-law almost everyday for the past two years. I speak with her in korean by diligently using all five words I know, but she never complains about my butchering the language. She's not demanding, except for our sake like when we want to give her more money and she tries to refuse. She's generally a very pleasant person to be around.
On the flip side, there are many things she does that my own mother would be shocked to see me patiently live with or let slip without complaint. Trust me, that is NOT the Lisa the Lord blessed her with whom she spent painstaking years to raise. But when you see your mother-in-law as regularly as I do, it's silly not to know you have to pick your battles. The only area I try to stand firm on is the caretaking of my sons. So the biggest area I struggle with is the spoiling of my sons on a daily basis. There came a point when we contemplated my quitting work because of this. I didn't like what I saw in Jude's behavior towards his grandmother and I felt my absence was to blame. While I realize my mother-in-law is their grandmother and thus intrinsically unable to discipline them to the level we do, I don't think it's too much to ask her to refuse them certain simple things since Jude is now three and understands a level of reasoning. If you need proof that a toddler will naturally test the boundaries set by an adult, spend a day with Jude. He knows what he can get away with when w/grandma that he can't get away with when w/mom.
Jude loves to reenact scenes from Disney's "Cars" while watching the movie:
Well, my mother-in-law allowed something to happen this past week that, how shall I put this, caused the tiny threads holding together my sanity to snap. I was upset because my mother-in-law could not simply refuse Jude something he threw a tantrum for and should not have had. The blessing of not knowing much korean is that I can't throw a tantrum myself. So I said what little I could in a surprisingly calm manner and then got pretty quiet. Well, this was the most upset I have seen my mother-in-law because she wouldn't speak to me the next day. 
Mother-in-law's birthday celebration with a cake Jude & Eli made and decorated themselves:
One thing I was reminded of through this is how fortunate I am to have Kwang as a husband. Feel free to roll your eyes and stop reading. He is compassionate towards his mom yet loyal to his wife. Most men don't have to deal with their mom and wife seeing each other everyday. It's crazy that I see her more than she sees her own husband and sons. Even at times like this when I don't understand my mother-in-law, Kwang will let her know when he thinks I am right but he is still sympathetic towards her. I told him if anything, I hope Jude & Eli are as lenient to me one day. Of course, I will NEVER be as confusing as Kwang's mom, right? But in the inconceivable, off-chance that I am I asked him to remind me of this time, because I hope I never put my daughter-in-law in such a depressing situation. Especially when the season of The Hills just ended and she doesn't have anything better to numb her senses and rot her brain with.
Of course, if a grown-up Eli isn't even a little sympathetic towards his crazy mom, I'll have to remind him of the day I lovingly rescued and sanitized him from a tub full of his own poop a long, long time ago.
This past Thursday, I had a parent/teacher's conference with Jude's pre-school teacher. If you're shocked that I have a parent/teacher's meeting for my three year old son, you're not the only one. You should have seen my face when they brought out a REPORT CARD FOR HIM. I wonder if Jude's teacher questions if I should be responsible for a young child. While she kept reiterating how concerned other parents were with their child's educational and developmental progress, my comments were flavored more with, "Wow! Jude knows all that?" or "You mean they don’t just play?" Turns out, our Jude is "above age-appropriate" in his development. This was great to know, but education really wasn't our intention for putting him in pre-school so early. I know, it's strange that I'm Korean, eh? Our main purpose was for Jude to have more social interaction with peers. He is by nature very shy… like his mommy. No, really, I am. I think that's why I type more than I talk.
Then on Friday afternoon, my company held a Children's Holiday Party. I told Jude that my company was throwing this party because they wanted to thank him and Eli for letting me go to work. It was very festive with carolers and Santa helpers. The kids got to do fun things such as decorate their own Christmas cookies, although Eli was mainly interested in eating his:
We also got to see a magic show which Jude loved. He was even selected to participate in a trick. I think it's so cute how Eli always looks like Jude's little shadow like in the picture below. I thought the magician was so hilarious and entertaining, which made me then think I need to get out more:
Finally, the party ended with a traditional picture with Santa, whom Eli didn't like very much:
As we were loading them into the car after the party, Jude commented, "It was a good time." So while I do enjoy our company's "grown-up" holiday parties, this one by far brought me the most joy.
This past week may have been both the easiest and hardest for me this year, because I had to travel to both Dallas and Palm Springs on business. It was the easiest in the sense that I didn't have to come home everyday to a pachillion things to do and take care of. But it was the hardest in the sense that I missed my family. The guilt I feel on a daily basis as a working mother was magnified a hundred fold, to say the least. No matter how much you feel you're doing the right thing for your family, the self-reproach is palpable. Kwang is an incredibly capable father, so I didn't have to worry. But it was still a lot of work for him, so I think all those fathers out there with wives as stay-at-home mothers should be very thankful! Needless to say, I also feel those wives should be grateful for the luxury they are afforded. I've never been away from the boys for even a day so there was a very distinct void. I almost felt my body twitch because a little toddler hadn't rammed into my gut in the last few minutes or someone wasn't crying "Uhmmah!" to come save him from his brother. Although these days, Jude has been mixing it up a bit and calling me "Lisa" from time to time. And Eli, being his shadow, has been doing the same… "EEESA!"
So we spent the weekend decking our halls, not with boughs of holly but with a wonderful fake Christmas tree. Call it our contribution to "going green!", the buzz phrase I hear everywhere these days. We'll be helping planet earth by saving trees for years to come for the one-time sale price of $48. The pictures are somewhat dark because I wanted to capture our fake tree in all its "pre-lit" goodness:
I'm no Martha Stewart by any stretch of the imagination, so I found it hugely challenging to decorate a tree in a somewhat decent fashion that is safe and kid-friendly for a home with boys three years old and under. Almost all the beautiful ornaments are glass which won't do when you have a one year old whose first inclination is to grab anything round and shiny and then throw it. Fortunately, I was able to find some that looked like glass as well as ornaments of the sports and transportation variety- perfect for Jude & Eli! And then I had to wrap each ornament around the branch at least three times. The whole purpose, really, is to make the holidays warm and festive for my kids as my parents did for me. So I'm really happy the boys love seeing the tree every day and playing "I spy" with the various ornaments. Here is Eli spying the choo choo train:
Of course, his favorite is probably the football:
And thanks to some wonderful gift cards, I got Jude and Eli stockings this year. Since I'm fairly frugal, I plan to put a whopping $1 matchbox car in each of them for Christmas. My plan is to always aim low so the boys will continually be thrilled at the smallest things. I told Kwang that I'd like the kids to grow up fully experiencing holiday cheer in the home and the necessity to take cheesy pictures by the tree. Okay, maybe not so much the latter. We'll see how long this lasts with two boys.
Jude & Eli have sent out their yearly despite-what-you-think-they-are-very-warm-and-personal Costco photo Christmas cards! Jude even helped me seal and stamp the envelopes this year. See? Very personal. And! And... there is even a bonus photo. High five!
It actually does take quite a bit to put these cards together. Mainly because it takes about 100 snaps of the camera to get ONE picture that looks decent enough to have mass produced. And when you're trying to take this picture on your own, well, you might as well tack on another 25 shots. Sure, you have many where one boy is smiling at the camera, but the other boy is interested in looking everywhere else but at the camera. Or you have one boy saying, "Cheese!" while the other is lovingly strangling him. It can be quite comical. The picture, it's such an exact science. I hate love it.
But oh, if I could just paste a bunch of my everyday photos, I would have no problem! When looking back at last year's card, I noticed how much Eli has thinned out (believe it or not). But one thing remains... he still LOVES to eat. In fact, the other day as I was watching the kids play after their bath, I noticed this was Eli's idea of fun:
This afternoon when Jude went down for his nap, he told me he was just looking through his Bible. I looked at the page and said, "Oh, it's Goliath." And he corrected me very sternly, "No, Halmonee (grandma) said it's Goh-lie-EEE." We went back and forth a few times until I finally gave in. As I left he probably mused to himself, "Parents... do I have to teach them everything?"
It's been quite a month. I've been in somewhat of a rut lately. A rut that even the anticipation of Oprah's yearly Favorite Things episode can't distract just a little. Fortunately, in the past few weeks Eli has transformed into a more normal, less clingy version of his adorable self. After many months of unrelenting attempts and "tough love" 
Kwang spent a relaxing (albeit somewhat sleepless) weekend in Las Vegas with his friends, so it was just me and the boys at home. Because I only have sisters, I never knew the wonderful dynamic that could exist between two brothers. Granted my boys are only 3 and 1, but I enjoy watching their relationship grow and evolve. Because they're so different in almost every way, I love that Eli loves his brother. When he is playing downstairs in the morning and hears the slightest shuffle of Jude waking upstairs, he'll run excitedly to the stairs and scream, "Ung-ah!". Every time. "Hyung-ah" refers to one's older brother in korean. For a boy, that is. A girl would use an illogically different term for an older brother. Which is different from the term she would use for her older sister. Which is inanely different from the term a boy would use for an older sister. Don't ask me how I really feel about the korean language.
I debated whether or not to post this picture that a friend requested, because I was told last week that I’m starting to chub a bit in my face. I do prefer it when my face looks "healthier", but it's still not the easiest thing for a girl to hear. I'm trying to forget the fact that I haven't been able to wear my wedding ring since month ONE when in my other pregnancies I wore it through the entire ten months. Nevertheless, here I am at 5mos with my baby Eli:
I have a similar pic with Jude when I was 7mos pregnant with Eli. Crazy how time flies. Even though I want to be done with pregnancy, I wish every day that time would stand still. I can't get enough of Eli and wish I could hold onto this age for as long as possible. Of course, when charley horses in both legs wake me up every night, that is the last thought on my mind. That's one thing that's been consistent in every pregnancy. Is it sad that I'm so used to the pain that I wake up and immediately know to flex my legs?
Here are the boys singing Jesus Loves Me in korean. Eli doesn't know many words and can't put more than two together, but he somehow already has a repertoire of songs. The first thing I hear in the monitor when he wakes up is Jesus Loves Me. Sometimes in english. Sometimes in korean. Kills me.
