Genetics

This past Saturday, we met up with our friends Henry and Lisa. During our meal, Henry asked how it is possible that while Jude and Eli look different from each other, they both still look like Kwang? I had to laugh, because I hear comments like that almost on a daily basis.

So I went in and took an additional 3-hour blood test this morning to determine if I had gestational diabetes. I had already taken the one hour test but my result came back high so they asked me back. As it turns out, I passed with flying colors and do not have it. Many of you are probably saying "big deal". If that is the case, then many of you don't know that a diagnosis of gestational diabetes is pretty much the KISS OF DEATH FOR LISA. You think I'm being dramatic but you would be very wrong.

Afterward the doctor gave me some potentially bad news because I hadn't received any since, oh, last week. I found out that last week's ultrasound was actually inconclusive about my placenta so I might still need a c-section. Not only that but this baby's kidneys may be enlarged (hydronephrosis). The results are being sent to a specialist to confirm if our baby's plumbing is broken. It's interesting, I have a tendency to "hold it in" when I need to use the restroom because I'm too lazy or busy to go. Kwang scolds me all the time for this terrible habit. So it occurred to me that even though this baby will probably look nothing like me but like an organically grown miniature Kwang, maybe its personality will be more like mine... so lazy in the womb that s/he just holds it in.

 

One, Two, Three Lines

So I had a follow-up ultrasound this morning for a "low lying placenta" found at my five month ultrasound. Yes, in the game of who has the most issues with pregnancy, I win! This is just one of four concerns I am praying over. According to the tech, it looks like this one may have resolved which goes to show everyone out there who says I'm "soooo tiny!" that my uterus has indeed grown and moved my placenta upward. Another indication of my ever-expanding body is that my maternity pants are tighter so even my little non-butt has grown. But unlike Sir Mixalot, I do not like big butts and I cannot lie.

Fortunately, if we didn't have this undesirably placed placenta I wouldn't have had another opportunity to ask if our baby is a boy or a girl. I thought having to tell everyone that I was waiting until he was born to find out if Eli was a boy or a girl was a let down. Turns out, having to tell everyone that I tried to find out for them what Baby #3 was but was unsuccessful is even more of a disappointment for people. Well, the tech said she couldn't see "any boy parts" and instead showed me a hamburger so the door is still open for a baby girl. I still have doubts that Kwang has it in him to produce a girl, so we'll see. Jude still thinks it's a girl, but all the kids in my Sunday School class think it's a boy. We all think what we think but as my grandmother reminded me last week, "God knows and provides what's best for us." Having two boys in a row is more than a handful I can seem to handle with any form of gracefulness, but I have to agree with her when I look at my Eli. I wouldn't want him to be anything other than the yummy little boy that he is:

Even when he looks like this:

What? You thought I'd just end with the angelic picture like a normal parent? I can't help it. My finger, it just keeps clicking.

 

Still Representing

... despite the big loss.

I-L-L ... I-N-I!
 
Jude & Eli wish you all a happy, happy 2008!

 

White Christmas

Kwang (noticing something in Eli's mouth that we didn't give him): "Eli, what are you eating?"
Eli (smiling): "Nobodyyyy...."

Here are my snow bunnies at my sister's home in Chicago. Jude didn't want to come inside despite my fears of frostbite. It was so cold that my camera stopped functioning. Jude LOVED the snow:

.

Eli, not so much. But he's so irresistable to me-- I laugh every time I look at this picture and then I go find him and nibble off one of his cheeks:

 

He preferred to relax inside with cousin Noelle (one year older than him):

Fun with cousins:
 
Meghan & Jude                 Noelle & Eli                 Jude & Zachary

Thanks to his creative and fun eemos (my sisters), Jude had many opportunities to tap into his inner artist. One of these things is not like the others-- can you tell which dinosaurs were painted by Meghan and Zachary and which was done by Jude? 

 

Why I Look Forward To 4:30pm Each Day

Dookie Surprises

Eli loves to do what his brother does, but the other week he took it to a level I never anticipated. While taking the boys a bath, Jude had to go #2. So he came out, sat on the toilet, and did his business. After drying him off I looked to find that Eli also decided to take a dump-- in the bathtub. My freshly bathed Eli in a sea of his own poop. And of course, it couldn't be just hard little pellets. It had to be of the soft, mushy, non-constipated variety, the kind you hope to see... in a diaper... not in a pool of bath water... with your kid standing in the middle of it. Large brown masses mixed with grains of brown and black rice floating EVERYWHERE. My love MUST be unconditional because I just had to laugh (and gag) at the sight of a very innocent and confused Eli.

Eli and his best friend Buddy (whom he named himself):

Well, it certainly wasn't the most stellar week for me as a daughter-in-law. I've always said that I feel very fortunate to have the mother-in-law that I do. I've seen korean dramas, I've heard other women's stories, I know I am lucky. I've seen my mother-in-law almost everyday for the past two years. I speak with her in korean by diligently using all five words I know, but she never complains about my butchering the language. She's not demanding, except for our sake like when we want to give her more money and she tries to refuse. She's generally a very pleasant person to be around.

On the flip side, there are many things she does that my own mother would be shocked to see me patiently live with or let slip without complaint. Trust me, that is NOT the Lisa the Lord blessed her with whom she spent painstaking years to raise. But when you see your mother-in-law as regularly as I do, it's silly not to know you have to pick your battles. The only area I try to stand firm on is the caretaking of my sons. So the biggest area I struggle with is the spoiling of my sons on a daily basis. There came a point when we contemplated my quitting work because of this. I didn't like what I saw in Jude's behavior towards his grandmother and I felt my absence was to blame. While I realize my mother-in-law is their grandmother and thus intrinsically unable to discipline them to the level we do, I don't think it's too much to ask her to refuse them certain simple things since Jude is now three and understands a level of reasoning. If you need proof that a toddler will naturally test the boundaries set by an adult, spend a day with Jude. He knows what he can get away with when w/grandma that he can't get away with when w/mom.

Jude loves to reenact scenes from Disney's "Cars" while watching the movie:

Well, my mother-in-law allowed something to happen this past week that, how shall I put this, caused the tiny threads holding together my sanity to snap. I was upset because my mother-in-law could not simply refuse Jude something he threw a tantrum for and should not have had. The blessing of not knowing much korean is that I can't throw a tantrum myself. So I said what little I could in a surprisingly calm manner and then got pretty quiet. Well, this was the most upset I have seen my mother-in-law because she wouldn't speak to me the next day.  After a depressing day of wondering why she could be so mad, it turns out it was because of an assumption she had made about a totally different topic that was completely wrong. Confused?  So was I. In any case, after she realized this things were good again. Phew...

Mother-in-law's birthday celebration with a cake Jude & Eli made and decorated themselves:

One thing I was reminded of through this is how fortunate I am to have Kwang as a husband. Feel free to roll your eyes and stop reading. He is compassionate towards his mom yet loyal to his wife. Most men don't have to deal with their mom and wife seeing each other everyday. It's crazy that I see her more than she sees her own husband and sons. Even at times like this when I don't understand my mother-in-law, Kwang will let her know when he thinks I am right but he is still sympathetic towards her. I told him if anything, I hope Jude & Eli are as lenient to me one day. Of course, I will NEVER be as confusing as Kwang's mom, right? But in the inconceivable, off-chance that I am I asked him to remind me of this time, because I hope I never put my daughter-in-law in such a depressing situation. Especially when the season of The Hills just ended and she doesn't have anything better to numb her senses and rot her brain with.

Of course, if a grown-up Eli isn't even a little sympathetic towards his crazy mom, I'll have to remind him of the day I lovingly rescued and sanitized him from a tub full of his own poop a long, long time ago.

 

So This Must Be What The Tuition Is For

This past Thursday, I had a parent/teacher's conference with Jude's pre-school teacher. If you're shocked that I have a parent/teacher's meeting for my three year old son, you're not the only one. You should have seen my face when they brought out a REPORT CARD FOR HIM. I wonder if Jude's teacher questions if I should be responsible for a young child. While she kept reiterating how concerned other parents were with their child's educational and developmental progress, my comments were flavored more with, "Wow! Jude knows all that?" or "You mean they don’t just play?" Turns out, our Jude is "above age-appropriate" in his development. This was great to know, but education really wasn't our intention for putting him in pre-school so early. I know, it's strange that I'm Korean, eh? Our main purpose was for Jude to have more social interaction with peers. He is by nature very shy… like his mommy. No, really, I am. I think that's why I type more than I talk. 

Then on Friday afternoon, my company held a Children's Holiday Party. I told Jude that my company was throwing this party because they wanted to thank him and Eli for letting me go to work. It was very festive with carolers and Santa helpers. The kids got to do fun things such as decorate their own Christmas cookies, although Eli was mainly interested in eating his:

We also got to see a magic show which Jude loved. He was even selected to participate in a trick. I think it's so cute how Eli always looks like Jude's little shadow like in the picture below. I thought the magician was so hilarious and entertaining, which made me then think I need to get out more:

Finally, the party ended with a traditional picture with Santa, whom Eli didn't like very much:

As we were loading them into the car after the party, Jude commented, "It was a good time." So while I do enjoy our company's "grown-up" holiday parties, this one by far brought me the most joy.

 

Going Green

This past week may have been both the easiest and hardest for me this year, because I had to travel to both Dallas and Palm Springs on business. It was the easiest in the sense that I didn't have to come home everyday to a pachillion things to do and take care of. But it was the hardest in the sense that I missed my family. The guilt I feel on a daily basis as a working mother was magnified a hundred fold, to say the least. No matter how much you feel you're doing the right thing for your family, the self-reproach is palpable. Kwang is an incredibly capable father, so I didn't have to worry. But it was still a lot of work for him, so I think all those fathers out there with wives as stay-at-home mothers should be very thankful! Needless to say, I also feel those wives should be grateful for the luxury they are afforded. I've never been away from the boys for even a day so there was a very distinct void. I almost felt my body twitch because a little toddler hadn't rammed into my gut in the last few minutes or someone wasn't crying "Uhmmah!" to come save him from his brother. Although these days, Jude has been mixing it up a bit and calling me "Lisa" from time to time. And Eli, being his shadow, has been doing the same… "EEESA!"

So we spent the weekend decking our halls, not with boughs of holly but with a wonderful fake Christmas tree. Call it our contribution to "going green!", the buzz phrase I hear everywhere these days. We'll be helping planet earth by saving trees for years to come for the one-time sale price of $48. The pictures are somewhat dark because I wanted to capture our fake tree in all its "pre-lit" goodness:

I'm no Martha Stewart by any stretch of the imagination, so I found it hugely challenging to decorate a tree in a somewhat decent fashion that is safe and kid-friendly for a home with boys three years old and under. Almost all the beautiful ornaments are glass which won't do when you have a one year old whose first inclination is to grab anything round and shiny and then throw it. Fortunately, I was able to find some that looked like glass as well as ornaments of the sports and transportation variety- perfect for Jude & Eli! And then I had to wrap each ornament around the branch at least three times. The whole purpose, really, is to make the holidays warm and festive for my kids as my parents did for me. So I'm really happy the boys love seeing the tree every day and playing "I spy" with the various ornaments. Here is Eli spying the choo choo train: 

Of course, his favorite is probably the football: 

And thanks to some wonderful gift cards, I got Jude and Eli stockings this year. Since I'm fairly frugal, I plan to put a whopping $1 matchbox car in each of them for Christmas. My plan is to always aim low so the boys will continually be thrilled at the smallest things. I told Kwang that I'd like the kids to grow up fully experiencing holiday cheer in the home and the necessity to take cheesy pictures by the tree. Okay, maybe not so much the latter. We'll see how long this lasts with two boys.

 

Ho ho ho! Here We Come!

Jude & Eli have sent out their yearly despite-what-you-think-they-are-very-warm-and-personal Costco photo Christmas cards! Jude even helped me seal and stamp the envelopes this year. See? Very personal. And! And... there is even a bonus photo. High five!

It actually does take quite a bit to put these cards together. Mainly because it takes about 100 snaps of the camera to get ONE picture that looks decent enough to have mass produced. And when you're trying to take this picture on your own, well, you might as well tack on another 25 shots. Sure, you have many where one boy is smiling at the camera, but the other boy is interested in looking everywhere else but at the camera. Or you have one boy saying, "Cheese!" while the other is lovingly strangling him. It can be quite comical. The picture, it's such an exact science. I hate love it.

But oh, if I could just paste a bunch of my everyday photos, I would have no problem! When looking back at last year's card, I noticed how much Eli has thinned out (believe it or not). But one thing remains... he still LOVES to eat. In fact, the other day as I was watching the kids play after their bath, I noticed this was Eli's idea of fun:

This afternoon when Jude went down for his nap, he told me he was just looking through his Bible. I looked at the page and said, "Oh, it's Goliath." And he corrected me very sternly, "No, Halmonee (grandma) said it's Goh-lie-EEE." We went back and forth a few times until I finally gave in. As I left he probably mused to himself, "Parents... do I have to teach them everything?"

Fortunately This Is Known As My Favorite Work Week Of The Year

It's been quite a month. I've been in somewhat of a rut lately. A rut that even the anticipation of Oprah's yearly Favorite Things episode can't distract just a little. Fortunately, in the past few weeks Eli has transformed into a more normal, less clingy version of his adorable self. After many months of unrelenting attempts and "tough love" , we are now able to put him in the church nursery AND LEAVE. Actually, I should probably say just Kwang. Eli will still cry if I try to drop him off because, well, he loves me more.  We're told he's happy and easy and even helps clean up the toys. But get this... Eli has been horribly blacklisted from the youngest NLMC Sunday School class even though he loves it! Kwang tried to put him in there so he could attend adult Sunday School (and while I am teaching another class), but we've since been told it is against the rules because the class is for 2 year olds and Eli is only 1 1/2. So sad. I'm being dramatic, of course, because if you haven't noticed I have Crazy Mom Disease and heard Eli absolutely enjoys the activities and songs.

Kwang spent a relaxing (albeit somewhat sleepless) weekend in Las Vegas with his friends, so it was just me and the boys at home. Because I only have sisters, I never knew the wonderful dynamic that could exist between two brothers. Granted my boys are only 3 and 1, but I enjoy watching their relationship grow and evolve. Because they're so different in almost every way, I love that Eli loves his brother. When he is playing downstairs in the morning and hears the slightest shuffle of Jude waking upstairs, he'll run excitedly to the stairs and scream, "Ung-ah!". Every time. "Hyung-ah" refers to one's older brother in korean. For a boy, that is. A girl would use an illogically different term for an older brother. Which is different from the term she would use for her older sister. Which is inanely different from the term a boy would use for an older sister. Don't ask me how I really feel about the korean language.

American Idol... only Christian... and Korean...

I debated whether or not to post this picture that a friend requested, because I was told last week that I’m starting to chub a bit in my face. I do prefer it when my face looks "healthier", but it's still not the easiest thing for a girl to hear. I'm trying to forget the fact that I haven't been able to wear my wedding ring since month ONE when in my other pregnancies I wore it through the entire ten months. Nevertheless, here I am at 5mos with my baby Eli:

I have a similar pic with Jude when I was 7mos pregnant with Eli. Crazy how time flies. Even though I want to be done with pregnancy, I wish every day that time would stand still. I can't get enough of Eli and wish I could hold onto this age for as long as possible. Of course, when charley horses in both legs wake me up every night, that is the last thought on my mind. That's one thing that's been consistent in every pregnancy. Is it sad that I'm so used to the pain that I wake up and immediately know to flex my legs?

Here are the boys singing Jesus Loves Me in korean. Eli doesn't know many words and can't put more than two together, but he somehow already has a repertoire of songs. The first thing I hear in the monitor when he wakes up is Jesus Loves Me. Sometimes in english. Sometimes in korean. Kills me.

My Three Sons

I'd been thinking about this old TV show in the past couple of weeks with the prospect of having a third son. I remember watching this show when I was younger, but I'm not sure why. Three boys in one home must be entertaining for a TV series to be based on them. When they look like my Eli, how could they not?

 (special thanks to Bonnie for the pic and the Chos for the costume)

Kwang's college roommate Jason came over for dinner last week. Jude and Eli really enjoyed his company and he even graciously snapped an impromptu family picture for us. Unfortunately, we're all in our t-shirts and sweats, my hair is a mess, and I have absolutely no make-up on (not that I know how to wear it anyway). But I love this picture, because Jude and Eli are so happy:

So we had our diagnostic ultrasound this past Monday. It's not an easy month for me at work, so I was actually up working until about 2am the night before. But when I went to bed exhausted, I couldn't sleep because I was nervous about my appointment. The tech thought it was funny, because this is my third time around. From what she measured, everything checks out -- perfect measurements, strong heart, a brain!, and full spine. And as with my two boys, I got many comments that this one is very active in utero.

But unlike my other two, I succumbed to the pressure of others to find out and the technician had difficulty identifying the usual twig and berries. So while she couldn't give us even the slightest confirmation, she is "leaning towards a girl."

So maybe Jude has been right this whole time. But until that hopeful day, we just won't know.

 

Peer Pressure

I didn't find out the gender of our boys at our 5mo checkups and I still don't care to find out with Baby #3. But I think I will have to this time for fear that I might collapse from the sheer PRESSURE I feel being placed on me to do so. It seems everyone is dying to know (that's the phrase I get all the time) if I am carrying a boy or a girl. So while I LOVE finding out what Baby is the moment I am pushing something the size of a watermelon out my body (an experience like no other!), it would be good to put to rest any hope that this is a girl if we are having another boy.

While we won't know about the blood disorder until Baby is born and I've opted against the genetic testing available, I pray everything else checks out-- nice, beating four-chamber heart, perfect spine, good measurements, healthy brain, etc...

Last week was the first free weekend we had in a while, so we took the opportunity to visit the L.A. Zoo again. Jude liked the spider exhibit and Eli's favorite was the lion:

 

The boys also got to spend some quality time with their cousin Justin (Bo and Bonnie's son):

Eli's "thing" these days is his scowl. He discovered this expression a few days ago and Kwang says he'll see Eli practicing it when he doesn't even think anyone is looking, perhaps to see how long he can hold it for so he can REALLY be a threat. So now if Eli hears Kwang telling him not to do something he wants to, he won't throw a tantrum or cry. Instead, his eyebrows will just lower ever so slowly into his newly perfected scowl:

I wonder for how long I'll find this so cute that I want to eat him up whenever I see it.

 

Taste of Chicago

My sister and brother-in-law, Kathy and Stace, came to visit this past week and I was worried Eli might cry the entire time. I know that sounds unreasonable, but don't we all know by now that Eli is one who embraces unreasonableness? In the same breath, he'll cry because he doesn't want to be put down AND because he doesn't want to be picked up and can someone please tell him why? Why are those his only two options?

Fortunately, Eli fell in love with Kathy and Stace pretty quickly. Maybe it's because there's a certain familiarity since Kathy is my sister. In any case, it was a welcome break for me because she literally carried him around all the time, everywhere, their entire trip:

And if I didn't stage an intervention, Jude's dream would've come true and Kathy would've read books to him straight from bedtime until morning. Eemos are truly the best. And as evidenced by Jude's affection for Uncle Stace, eemoboos aren't so bad either:

Unlike us, Eli seems to fully understand why Pinkberry is all the rage:

I really adore the relationship between Jude and Eli these days. They genuinely enjoy each other's company and, despite getting on each other's nerves everyday, they have a very wonderful and mutual affection for one other. I love that at this age, Jude makes Eli laugh more than anyone and that Eli looks to his older brother for laughter.

 

{Proof}

The following clip is for all those out there who think our kids are "naturally" well-behaved and do not need discipline. Unfortunately, discipline is a necessity in our home. Much like I feel KitKats are these days. Now before everyone gets all up in my business about filming and posting this, you should know that several people actually challenged me to this thinking I embellish my trials as Jude and Eli's mother. What? Me? Exaggerate? NEVER.

For evidence of some sanity in the Kim household and balance in videos, I've attached Jude doing his first month of memory verses. You're probably wondering how many of these I will actually take and why I don't think this is getting old. I think Jude agrees. My only answer is, "But he's so cuuute!" From the patient and uninterested look on Jude's face, I honestly thought he was going to say, "I'm only doing this because you're being a bit pathetic, and I'm embarrassed for you."

Thanks for all the encouraging words, thoughts, and prayers for Baby #3. I keep thinking I should remind God that I'm really not as strong as He apparently thinks I am to handle these concerning pregnancies. But I have a hunch these are really His ways of reminding me that a mother's primary act of love and responsibility to her children is on her knees in prayer for them.

 

Rollercoaster

So the first word Eli can successfully identify is "Dodgers". I think I can safely say that my sons' knowledge of the L.A. baseball team is due in large part to Kwang's good friend, Henry. He generously gives us tickets from time to time and this past Friday, he gave us the best we've ever had. Our seats were field-level and allowed Jude to thoroughly enjoy the game up close:

As we walked towards our car to go home, Jude turned to me and said in a very happy and satisfied tone, "We have a good time at the game."

Here is Jude ready to catch any foul balls that came our way:

Oh yes, and Eli, too:

We were glad Jude had a great time, because the next day was a trip to the dentist to get dental work done. Yes, our Jude had cavities. It would almost be an understatement to say I was LIVID when the dentist told me. Kwang and I are so diligent about brushing our sons' teeth that my mom even thinks we're borderline neurotic. We are like this, because I feel that most of a person's dental health is genetic and despite all the brushing and flossing, my teeth are still weak. So to find out from several dentists that brushing really could not have prevented Jude's small unfortunate cavities was depressing, to say the least. They said Jude is "unlucky" because his teeth are much closer together and his grooves are deeper than most kids. My sons can now blame me not only for their obnoxiously protruding ears but also for their troublesome teeth. So for prevention purposes, the dentist sealed some of Jude's other teeth and scraped out a gap in between another two. And now we are already flossing little Eli's teeth-- all whopping 8 of them. Nevertheless, through all the shots, drilling, and prodding, our Jude was a champ as usual:

If we ever have to take Eli in to get more than a routine cleaning done, Lord help us. Magicland Dental will most likely blacklist us. And I wouldn't blame them.

Sunday evening was spent catching up with an old friend, Jack, at Jean/Charles' home. Jack, Jean, & I were on the same Africa missions team back in school. Sadly, our missions team was tagged as the "notorious" one but I'm not quite sure why. Despite the bad rap, I'm thankful to have been on this particular team. It's kind of wild that a group of us still keep in touch, because our trip was 14 years ago. And yet Jack looks exactly the same-- let's all just hate him for a moment-- whereas I look, well, not exactly the same.  **sigh**